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Headaches and home

October 2, 2009

It’s been a good day, dispite the massive, massive headache chilling right behind my eyes. When I woke up from slamming doors and loud voices this morning, I had my coffee, and then Sandy and I decided to hit up the IGA (corner market). We invited Sam, got halfway there, and decided to take a bus to the Plaza instead to see a movie. We decided on Up, which none of us had seen. Sam decided he didn’t want to go, so we waited around with him for a while, then Sandy and I bought our ticket.

Oh my goodness, I doubt I need to tell any of you how amazing Up is. Maybe one of my all time favorites. It’s so adorable and emotional and hilarious. So on top of seeing a really fantastic movie (at a theater with the most comfortable seats of all time), I got to hang out with Sandy all day, which was really nice. I missed having just chill and yet somehow amazing days with people. It makes me feel more at home. And as an Antiochian, I think about home a lot. Not home as in Ohio or Goucher, but home as in the concept.

I even wrote my final English paper ever about that concept. The first poem I’ve written in years was about home. And what it is, and what it isn’t, and how you can have a home and still be homeless and all that fun stuff. And I’m not going to lie, I’ve been feeling very without a foundation since I’ve arrived here. I mean, yeah Australia’s cool, but that sort of base that keeps me content has been sorely absent. And while it has in the last week or so gotten better, it’s still not as home as I wish it was. I think about Goucher and people in the states most of the time. I’m not as present here as I should be after three months of living here, and it’s been really, really hard to call this place home.

Now that I’m forming a more solid relationship with Sandy, Sam, and Billy, it’s getting easier to not be as homesick everyday. I’m not crying all the time or moping around or being an emo little bitch, so no worries there. But I’m still trying to feel that same contentment I had at the end of my Goucher year. I’ve gained quite the appreciation for Goucher since I’ve been here, too. And for Baltimore, because the shows are plentiful and cheap, unlike here.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad I’m here. I’m glad I came. Being pretty well on my own has given me a lot of time to think and reflect on myself. And not studying philosophy for a term lets me focus in a less abstract way about myself and my identity. But it’ll be good to feel grounded again.

I don’t think I’m up for transient mode as much as I thought I was.

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4 comments

  1. One of my coworkers rips pirated copies of movies as a hobby. I got UP from her. I cried for a good portion of the beginning of the movie. A beautiful work of cinema, indeed!


  2. I gotta tell you lil girl, I absolutely adore reading of your exploits. While on your adventures remember Hemingway. When it starts snowing oats,make oatmeal.I have a movie suggestion for you, called We were soldiers.The premice is even tho war is hell. They were at the very least young.
    It makes me very sad to hear that you are crying.I so love your writing and look forward to your new entries. I appreciate it so much I just read a passage to a buddy of mine . I didn’t tell him who wrote it I just read it alloud. We had a brief discussion about how the author draws you into their world. He remarked it’s like you were there.
    I told him it’s Anna’s daughter. We think you should turn your remarkable gift into money. My ankle started hurting when you rolled yours.I was so sucked into your world at that moment.
    I joined the military when I was your age. I missed home every day,till I got back home. Then it was like going to an old swing set,that use to be so large and so much fun. I looked at the swing set, that all of a sudden looked tiny and insignificent.I am absolutely sure upon your return,you’ll experience the same thing. Keep up the writing cuz you have at least one fan that is living vicariously thru you:)


  3. So uh, you should follow my blog that I have to keep for my Environmental Politics class, you know, just so I look cool and all.
    Peas and Carrots!

    http://lauren-psc140responseblog.blogspot.com/


  4. I really know what you mean. I think its because we’re Antioch kids and there’s all this emphasis on going out into the world and having crazy adventures based on nothing but our own strength and merit… and while that has a really obvious positive side, its not actually good for a person to do that all the time. We are social, grounded beings, who desperately need a pack of some sort. I honestly think its a basic human need, having a tribe, and kin, and social structure. And I feel so un-Antiochian for saying so! Although I guess they were pretty into community. But I think what I’ve been learning this year is that there’s no shame in coming home, to people that I love, who will support and watch out for me. And, y’know, someday finishing school. And it doesn’t mean that I won’t learn anything or that I won’t have adventures. I mean, Kant never traveled more than 100 miles away from his birth town in his entire life, right?

    sorry… that was a bit of a rant. I guess I’m just trying to say that I’ve been thinking about that to :)



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